Can I?

There is always a time when the heart goes before the brain. In those moments you can’t think properly. In those moments there is something that cancels your thoughts and poisons every gap with happy memories. When all that ends the only thing that remains is the pain. All those happy memories turn into waste lands cause when they go, they leave nothing, and you can only thing about those empty spaces. Like a loop. Over and over again. Like a loop. Over and over again.

She run. She run away. She run away from me. Why? I don’t know. Maybe because I’m insecure. Maybe because I wanted what she didn’t want or couldn’t share with me. Maybe because my brain is itchy and I always care about everything. Cause I give too much. Cause I care too much. Cause I… I, I…

It’s always about me… My thoughts are poisoning me. They scream what I don’t want to hear. They shout me all the things I’ve done badly, and all the thing I’ll do. They stab me with my own voice, telling me that I’m not worthy. Saying to me that I should go… That all this is not for me. That all this is for nothing… for no one… for no reason.

But I don’t want to leave. Not that easy. If I could stay for ever. But all this is so volatile, that sometimes seems unreachable. When you have it, that thing flies away for a simple sigh. So light that if you blow at it, it disappears. You have to be so careful that it’s exhausting.

I can’t handle it…